Love is a Total Commitment

As we get to the age when we are taking care of our retired parents sometimes it can feel very challenging. Please don’t leave me hanging here guys, I know that at least one of you are also doing the same! Bless you, I get it. Super tough job for all of us. I wish we had handbooks (but then that would be no fun).

I’ve always been interested in learning about rehabilitation and forgiveness as my mother suffered from mental illness and addiction. Throughout my life I supported us both financially and mentally (and continue to do so).

I learned thankfully from my family, friends and therapy how to set healthy boundaries and have difficult conversations (and always still learning). I am so grateful my local community that’s been there to help my mother heal. I am so serious that without those programs I wouldn’t know where to call or who would understand. And of course always the “blood of my blood”, my husband who’s been so supportive and understanding.

Today, I watched a four part series called “College Behind Bars” by Ken Burns. I got to learn about the lives of inmates and their experience of getting a college degree. I was really moved by their total commitment and the effort it took to stay committed. I can see, how hard it is to choose to be better to learn.

The sub-title, “nobody taught me” was true with my mom as well. Mom told me that growing up nobody asked her what it meant to love. That nobody taught her what it means to forgive. She said she was mostly alone her whole life and was taught to grow up and find someone to marry. Nobody taught my mother how to have meaningful relationships, have difficult conversations, ask for what she needed and how she felt. That is terrible. So I am here for her. Always and forever.

However, when you have a parent (like me) or child with mental illness it can feel exhausting. Having patience sounds like a joke because - girl, I’ve had her for three decades. But maybe it’s not only about having patience. Maybe it’s also being totally committed to being tolerant and understanding. Like making it an everyday practice to listen, apologize, ask how to make it right, not holding onto resentments and choosing a good time to talk.

Learning how to love is a total commitment. If I can continue to practice that, then maybe everything else will become crystal clear.

Wynne