How to deal with abrasive personalities
Understanding that abrasive, provocative behavior springs from an extremely vulnerable self-image, a hunger for affection, and an eagerness for contact, do not become angry.
Recognize the psychological axiom that each person is always doing the best he can. Understanding that abrasive, provocative behavior springs from an extremely vulnerable self-image, a hunger for affection, and an eagerness for contact, do not become angry. Instead, initiate frequent discussion with this person.
If by this point the abrasive person has not already been referred to a competent psychologist or psychiatrist for therapy, he should be. Nothing else will have a significant effect, and even therapy may not. Whether it does will depend on the severity of the problem and the skill of the therapist. This is not a problem that will be solved in a T-group, or a weekend encounter, or some other form of confrontation.
The Candidate
The more exhibitionistic the person, the more a person needs approval, the less he or she can be thoughtful of others. Also pay special attention to precision in speech or manner. Clarity is a virtue, but a need for exactness indicates a need to control.
How did he view the limits and inadequacies of others, as human imperfections or as faults? How much better does he think things could have been done? Why were they not done better? Why could he not do better? What did his bosses say about him in performance appraisals?